What makes a good relationship? What does commitment mean? Are we compatible? What if I have questions? What if we don’t like all the same things? I’m scared I won’t be a good spouse/life partner. We argue a lot but want to be together forever. Worries and questions like these are actually a pretty normal part of the decision making process when it comes to commitment. Because both members of a relationship may have these concerns it can sometimes be difficult to navigate them together. I can help. In my pre-marital counseling I work with couples collaboratively to assess their strengths and areas of challenge. Couples learn how to negotiate their differences, identify common values, create a shared vision and learn how to love each other optimally. In addition if it looks like essential skills of communication and problem solving could use some improvement we work on those together as well. The goal is to help the couple navigate important discussions prior commitment rather than years down the road after maladaptive patterns have set in. Although I cannot teach you to love each other I can help you learn how to love each other optimally!

Do you love each other but find that you are not happy with something in the relationship? Maybe the communication is off somehow? Do you bicker often or fight in a way that leaves you feeling hurt, angry and/or resentful? Do you find that you never repair from negative interactions and instead feel a growing distance and negativity toward your partner? Maybe you don’t have fun together anymore. Or perhaps you just feel like “roommates.” Fortunately, these concerns don’t mean the relationship is doomed, it simply illustrates that you could use a little work on how you love each other. No need to fret though, most folks do not learn optimal ways to be in a relationship that allow them to address their needs for care, empathy, understanding and effective negotiation of differences but there is help available! The Gottman’s have conducted research identifying significant skill areas that couples can use to get back on track. I utilize Gottman Couples Therapy, Collaborative Couples Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Intimacy Coaching with couples to help them learn how to love their partner/spouse more optimally. I seek to have couples experience better communication, successful problem solving and a change in painful repetitive dynamics as soon as possible in the therapy treatment. Couple’s that find that they have deeper more enduring dynamics can find that simple skill learning may not be enough. For those couples that experience enduring difficulties in their relationships it is possible that early painful life experiences, temperament differences and mood concerns can affect relationship satisfaction. For these deeper and longstanding issues I utilize Schema Therapy and ACT which helps couples identify the dynamic and make alternate choices that are healing and relieving. If you’d like to improve your relationship please reach out- I’d love to help!

Have you experienced a significant relationship rupture such as discovering or being notified of infidelity? Are you unsure of where to go from here? Are you thinking that the relationship might have something worthwhile to save? Do you want to give your relationship a chance of healing? Perhaps you are not experiencing infidelity but instead have endured numerous significant ruptures and upsetting events that have occurred over time that have not ever been repaired. Are there changes in your relationship that you did not anticipate such as significant disagreement about important values (e.g. substance use, time allocation, family planning, finances) that you want to see if you can heal? Relationships can experience significant discord, disappointment and frustration and still be recovered. I help lots of couples navigate these difficult moments in their life to heal, reconcile and redefine what it means to be together. Reach out if you need support at this difficult time.